Overdue Reviews: Slither

Open up your Mr. Pibb Friends and Neighbors, it is time for another overdue review! 

This time we will be talking about that 2006 James Gunn sci-fi thriller Slither.  Slither takes us to the wonderful world of South Carolina, where a meteor has landed releasing the most disgusting worm creatures since Night of the Creeps!   When our good friend Grant Grant (what a pity having the same first and last name - let's call him Merle for short eh?) is having an extramarital affair in the woods, he gets infected by the worm creature.  This of course means that Merle will do what we all expect of him - slowly take over the world!

Well, luckily for us humans - Bill Pardy, the local sheriff (played by the legendary Nathan Fillion) is nearby ready to help out.  Merle's wife, Starla (played by Elizabeth Banks) is attacked by her now mutating husband after she discovers that he has an obsession for killing local pets and wildlife.  Here come the police and manage to chase away Merle.  Starla is thankful to Bill (who incidentally has held a torch for her for many years) but still worried about Merle. 

After a few days, the hunt for the mutant squid man merle is in full swing.  The Mayor, having some of the best lines in the movie, joins the hunt for what he does not believe exists.  Well, good thing they were packing heat because when the trail of dead carcases leads them to an old barn they find the most disgusting sight they have ever beheld.  Merle has made a brood mother out of his affair mate and she is about to explode.  Well after a pithy dialogue with our heroes she releases all of these worms within her.  That is when things go crazy.

The worms take over the body by the mouth.  I mean to quote the Mayor, 'what kind of thing actually wants you to eat it?'  Well these worms, like Ceti Eels, are all part of a hive mind that allows Merle to control  see and speak through them.  Bill is having none of this and after a bit of soul searching he decides he has to help put an end to this. 

Enter Kylie.  She is a normal teenage girl who is at home taking a bath when the worms come after her.  She is almost taken by one when she grabs it and kills it with her hair curler.  Now, she has knowledge of how these things work.  These alien slugs that travel from world to world killing all they can.  It is part of their biology.   In one of the most truly scary scenes, Kylie runs from her possessed family and gets in the car only to be assaulted for "family time."  The little sisters are just absolutely creepy.  Just when it looks like it is all over for Kylie, along comes Bill to save her. 

With half of the police force dead or under the control of the worms, it is up to Bill and Kylie to save the day.  Along the way they pick up Starla and the Mayor.  This is a good break in which the Mayor wants a good cola beverage.  Unfortunately this does not work out for him as there are no Mr. Pibb drinks in the sherriff's car.  Here we have yet another memorable rant for you as the Mayor goes balistic...

"Where is the Mr. Pibb? I told your secretary to pack Mr. Pibb. It's the only Coke I like. Goddamn Brenda exploding like a water balloon, worms driving my friends around like they're goddamn skin-cars, people are spitting acid at me, turning you into cottage cheese, and now there's no fucking goddamn Mr. Pibb?"

Of course this is a short lived break as trouble ensues when the townsfolk, having all been zombified by the worms, attack the car and kidnap Starla.  Eventually however Bill comes across Starla and Merle at the old homestead.  Merle has become a huge blob of bodies, tentacles and flesh.  In the epic battle, Bill manages to save Starla and get out alive.  He did have the help of Kylie over the course of the events, but when he tells the story later it is the other way around.

You really should check this one out.  I mean, I like it so you probably will too.  Let's run the list.

Nathan Fillion's witty dialogue?  Check

Michael Rooker being bad ass? Check

Elizabeth Banks?  Check

The most awesome mayor lines? Check

Alien slug things that take over bodies turning them into zombie-like beings and do gruesome stuff to rednecks?  Check

Jenna Fischer as the receptionist?  Check

So yeah you should watch it.

As always,

Be Excellent to Each Other

~BAT

#Be2eO

The Munster or the Moldovian?

Choose the form Friends and Neighbors!

So there I was, reading on Facebook, when I saw the most amazing thing that I had seen in a while.  Famed director Drew Daywalt posted his latest home decor - a fantastic canvas painting of Grandpa Munster!  Immediately my mouth salivated - it was awesome!  I announced that that was the sort of thing I wanted to get for my media room. 

Now, as of last year I have of course made some major changes in my life.  Mrs. Bat has some direct say as to the decor of ol Starbase 523.  Marriage does that.  So, of course, her input is welcomed and solicited.  Well, I am here to tell you- she did not care much for the Grandpa Munster painting.  Foiled?  Maybe... maybe not.

Now it is not that she does not like Grandpa Munster.  While it is true that she does not care for the gory horror genre, she recognizes that the Munsters is as far from horror as Harry Potter's spells are Latin.  But she still does not think that this is the proper painting to have in the house. 

So I immediately offered a counter proposition.  You see, we most certainly are open to compromise - that is the hallmark of any good relationship.  So I said "If you don't like Grandpa, that is fine.  I then choose Vigo!"  This was met with a defiant no as well.  However, there is room to discuss.  As Froggy said it to his concubine - "this is the type of marriage I want, when Mr. and Mrs. Bat argue it is never about mean hard core stuff - it is about geeky stuff like this."  He is right.

So I am faced with the dilemma.  Which would be better... the Munster or the Moldovian?  I mean on one hand you have the Scourge of Carpathia, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Unholy, Vigo the Butch! On a mountain of skulls in the castle of pain, he sat on a throne of blood!  But then on the other hand you have Grandpa Munster.   Al Lewis' favorite and most beloved role.  The driver of the dragula itself! 

So, I come to you Friends and Neighbors.  Which one would you choose to have in your home?  Maybe I am overlooking a more legendary portrait?   Get back to me on this.

As always,

Be Excellent to Each Other,

~BAT

#Be2eO

Awesome life - proof that it does happen!

Salutations Friends and Neighbors!

I am writing this as a letter to all of you who are worried about your life.  This may come across as bragging, and to be honest it likely is, however I must let you all know that the awesome life can be found.  It is not easy - but nothing worthwhile is really easy. 

I have, as you are all aware, married a wonderful woman.  Mrs. Bat is an excellent person who is beautiful and smart and all sorts of awesome.  She is also something that is rare to find - she is that girl that not only tolerates my more eccentric hobbies - but embraces and supports them.   She plays games, watches movies and writes stories.  She is a great wife and partner to me, as I endeavor to be to her.

Over the past couple of weeks Mrs. Bat has even taken up that wonderfully time consuming game of Warhammer.  She has enjoyed painting for a long time, however she had never really took to playing the game.  Nevertheless she started playing the game over the past week and she has kinda gotten hooked.   She is even branching out and trying new armies.   What is more, she is legitimately whipping me on the table.  Mrs. Bat has had marginal if not major victories against Franz too. 

Now I am here to tell you how lucky I am.  Mrs. Bat is not one of those gamer girls that bought a t-shirt that has an NES controller on it or some dice and a slogan and thusly calls herself a nerd.  She actually knows the game.  She loves Settlers of Catan.  She levels World of Warcraft and pays attention to rotations.  She does not dismiss things as "guy stuff" and she embraces the fun in RPGs.  She also takes showers and is fully capable of navigating in society (not some basement dwelling social outcast type.)  A fully rounded person who knows time and place and is able to mingle with the multiple cultures.

I am not saying she is unique - but she is one of the special breed.  One that I am most lucky and amazed to have in my life. 

This might not sound like a lot to some of you, but those of you who know what it is like hear me.  I know that a few of my compatriots in the world have the S.O. who shares their interests, however it is all to often the case that she merely tolerates the occasional dalliance into such things and will leave such pastimes alone.   There are those women who can justify a collection of dozens of shoes, purses and clothes to fill a room and more jewelry than Jack Sparrow- yet the acquisition of some pewter and plastic models is considered excessive.   Far too many of my brothers in arms have been culled from the ranks of the gaming population by use of mockery and intimidation from their lady - made to feel as if their hobby is something to be ashamed of.  Some girls will rattle on and on about their personal habits and past-times - calling the adventures of 'real' housewives and 'top' models being somehow less stigmatic than games of strategy and chance or movies about heroic deeds. 

And their men accept this fate.  They move their hobbies to the garage, to 'caves' and other areas which are increasingly partitioned until such a time as the shame overtakes them and the man is forced to give up what he loves about them.  These men see no alternative.  There is no other way.

I am here to tell you that it does not have to be so.  Mrs. Bat is a shining example of how a relationship should be.  She and I share our lives, goals and achievements.  Now it is true that we each have our own seperate purviews, I for example am more into horror movies than she is - she conversely can find things that appeal to her (inexplicably to me) in Ru Paul's Drag race.   However, she has found fervor in many of the same hobbies, TV shows and games that I do. 

It can be the same for you.  Don't think that you have to settle for someone who will trash your 'geeky interests.'  Find the one who will embrace them.   As long as you are not going overboard, you will discover the most wonderful fulfillment of what is possible.  Don't get discouraged - keep looking. 

As always,

Be Excellent to Each Other

~BAT

#Be2eO

Overdue Reviews: Mant

Greetings Friends and Neighbors, today's overdue review is all about Lawrence Woolsey's tingling masterpiece Mant (1962). 

Mant is the tragic tale about an ordinary man who becomes a twisted half man, half ant creature.  When Bill visits the dentist's office, he unknowingly is bitten by an ordinary ant.  Normally not a huge issue, but when compounded by the power of our friend Mr. Atom - he begins to undergo a metamorphosis, or change.  Yes the x-rays that hit Bill and the Ant merged their bodies and caused him to enlarge, or grow, into a huge ant monster.  Soon the army has to be called in to defeat the terror. 

This is an excellent example of the great films of the 50s and 60s.  The sad part when watching it today is that we don't have the benefit of the Rumblerama and Atomo-scope.  The original version of this movie featured all sorts of wonderful gimmicks such as buzzers in the seats and theatre rumbling sound effects.  That and of course a full sized Mant running up and down the aisles looking for a victim.  The showmanship is gone these days, I tell you. 

Of course, those astute Friends and Neighbors know that this movie can only be seen within the wonderful film Matinee by Joe Dante (1993).  Would it be possible, Mant would make an excellent piece of American film making, but alas this is a parody of the work of such pioneers as the great William Castle.  Though it is a fictionalization, this sort of stuff happened and that level of showmanship existed once upon a time. 

Go see Matinee and check out Mant! 

Be Excellent to Each Other,

~BAT

#Be2eO  

The Election and the 30% Psychosis

Howdy Friends and Neighbors.  I have recently been doing some research for an upcoming book.  Also, being that it is election day I thought that I would share some of my findings. 

There are a lot of issues being discussed.  Nearly every one of them has to do with some 'big' group taking the power away from a 'minority' of some sort.  Which leads me to my research findings.  Sociologists Peter Bearman and Hannah Buckner of Columbia and Yale respectively, have published a study showing that many people find difficulty standing with a position if they are not in minority status.

Now we are not talking about less than 49% either.  The people apparently want to be part of an "embattled minority" which seems to fit right around 30%.  No higher.  Once 31% of the population in any given area is in agreement, participation drops out. 

What does this mean?  Simply put, it means that the idea of being one of the unfortunate and downtrodden is only so popular if you are one of the few.  That an ideal is not worth it if many people also share your ideal?  How terrible is this mentality? 

I ask you, have you seen this in your life?  I can attest that I have indeed.  Almost every major religion sees itself as being a minority or persecuted.  The few, the proud - there is certainly an emphasis on how everyone else in the world is against you.  The heathens of the world, the pagans and the non believers must certainly outnumber the virtuous.  Look at sport teams - everyone looks down on the guy who roots for the winning team, we like our underdogs.  

Other examples include the political offices.  Certainly your polticial ideas are challenged by the masses... right?  We surely have nearly every member of Congress out to take your guns away, defund your projects and tax you to oblivion.  Well, surely this must be the case.  They all out to take away your right to birth control - or make you pay for abortions - depending on your view.  

The fact seems to be that people stop supporting things when it looks like everyone else is.  While this is not always the case - bandwagons are still alive and well - more often than not the Hipster mindset will come along and push people to the presumption that they are an 'embattled minority.'  No speech is given that does not play to this angle.  Every politician on the campaign trail, preacher at the pulpit and pimp to his prostitue implies that it is you and them against the world.  

Why wouldn't they?  Since these are the busy / lazy times in which we live, who would waste the effort in getting behind a cause or product when they see that everyone else is fine with it- or worse, is indifferent to it.   These puppet masters have to instill a sense of urgency and threat to you in order for you to do what they want you to.  

Of course only about 30% of my readers will agree with this.  It is hard being a free thinking, moderate writer these days.

Be Excellent to Each Other,

~BAT

#BE2EO